Retired Pro Athlete Waiting At the Bridge

I really don’t know what to say.  It was a very bad night.  I hurt and cried most of the night.  The swelling in my leg just got worse.  No one wanted to take a picture of my leg but the swelling went from my elbow to my toes.  Every hour, it got bigger.  I can barely put any weight on the leg but I’m still trying.  Is it the tumor growing or just swelling because of the fracture?  I don’t know.  I don’t care.  I just know it hurts.

The humans stayed with me most of the night and the morning.  They are acting weird and keep saying they don’t know if they can continue to put me through this.  When they took me out to potty this morning, I perked up and took off running in the backyard.  Apparently  no one expected this from me.

After my little run in the backyard, they asked me to get back in the car instead.  And then the phone calls started and my female human, she calls herself “mommy”, just went crazy screaming into her phone.

“WHAT PART OF PATHOLOGICAL FRACTURE DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?”

That got me an appointment at 11:00 AM today with a surgeon at the new vet hospital.  I’ve already done 3 days in ICU here in the old building after a bad fall that left me paralyzed from T12 down for about 48 hours.  It took months to heal.  I don’t like this place at all.  The last time I was here, they kept testing me for “deep pain” every few minutes.  Someone grabs a set of hemostats and squeezes your toes to see if you scream.   Not my favorite activity quite honestly.

When we got here, they brought me inside on a cart instead of asking me to walk.  I refused to lay down and stood in the cart the entire way.  I got weighed finally and I’m 59 lbs.  My racing weight was 72 lbs.  This is really not good.

I got another exam.  I met lots of people.  They tested me for deep pain AGAIN.  I really don’t like that test.

The receptionist found me a queen sized comforter and the vet students found me a bunch of cushions to nest in.  At least my jedi mind tricks are working even with all the pain medications.  I’ve lost so much weight, it really does hurt to lay on anything that isn’t soft.

They kept talking about amputation.  My human told them to check my lungs again.  If the cancer spread, she wasn’t  going to “put me through this” and we were going to go home and pig out on whipped cream and bojangles one last time.  I don’t like the way that sounds.

I had another round of chest xrays.  They were clear.  I barely got a kiss from my human before the students put me back on the cart and took me in the back.  Now I’m sitting in a kennel, have IV drugs, and waiting for tomorrow.  I’ll find out what an amputation is.  At this point, I just want my leg to stop hurting.

I didn’t get the surgery this weekend.  Instead, Dr. Huff took care of me personally.  I wish I could say that healed me up but it didn’t.  I have a feeling I look frightening because everyone gasped today when they came into work.   I have lost a lot of weight over the weekend.

The pain is really bad and I’m panting a lot.  They have me on even more pain killers but it really isn’t doing much but making me groggy.  I’m still camped out in the OR, trying to find some peace and quiet.  My leg is huge.  I’m not sure what to make of it anymore.  I can barely put any weight on it now and it just feels like it is on fire all the time.

A few minutes ago, my female human came in to see me!  I wasn’t sure if it was really her at first and then I gave her my paw to hold and she held my head in her arms and whispered to me how much she loved me and how sorry she was for leaving me.  It was the best moment I’ve had in a while and sleep came very quickly and I slept harder than I have in quite some time.  I woke up a few times and she was still there with me, wrapped around me and stroking my head.  I chased bunnies in my sleep and things almost felt normal.

It is lunch time so the hospital is empty now.  My human had to leave but she’s coming back tonight to bring me home.  Cookie already went home and from what I hear, she has also lost weight and hasn’t been sleeping well.  She walked into the house, crawled into bed, and hasn’t moved.

My leg is worse.  A lot worse.  I am still able to walk with it but the bump is getting larger.  They made me take more xrays today.  I heard Dr. Huff say that the tumor spread and moved from the radius to the ulna, whatever that is.  He also mentioned a pathological fracture or the tumor just ate through the ulna completely.   He said my leg needs to come off.

My humans are still not here.  Dr. Huff is trying to get me scheduled for surgery tomorrow.  He’s giving me tramadol and lots of it for the pain.  He took me out of the kennel too and had the ladies make me a bed in OR where it is much quieter.  That helps a lot.

I’m trying to be brave.  Trying to be myself but this really hurts.   Everyone here is taking good care of me and they all come and sit with me when they get a chance to.   This isn’t home though and I haven’t had a good sleep in over a week.

We’ve been stuck here at the vet hospital for a week now.  I’m not feeling good and my leg is really starting to hurt.  Cookie and I had a fight last night and now she has staples in her ear.  I didn’t mean to bite but I need some space.   The ladies taking care of us figured that out and she now is in her own kennel.

I don’t know if they understand that I really hurt.  I’m not upset with Cookie, just painful and a little scared.  The lump on my leg is starting to get bigger.   I’ve lost some weight even though I’ve been eating every meal they give me.   I hope that my humans come get me soon.

It is a very strange day.  We woke up to the phone ringing in the dark.  A lot.  Lots of worried voices from the humans and they started packing and acting weird.  Something about a father in the hospital and not going to make it.

They packed me and Cookie up and took us to see Dr. Huff.  They said something about being back by next Wednesday but most likely Monday.  I have no idea what is going on.

Now I’m sitting in the kennel with Cookie trying to keep her calm even though I am just as lost as she is.  We’ve never stayed with Dr. Huff before.  Normally we go to a friend’s house but never in a kennel like a dog.  On top of that, the staff here won’t let me off leash while Cookie is allowed to play in the yard.  This is extremely frustrating.  There is nothing wrong with me so let me go have some fun while I’m stuck here.

It was a normal Saturday Morning.  We got up at 6:00 AM, took our female human outside for some fresh air, and then went back in for some sleep.  We have two humans, a nervous female who worries about EVERYTHING and a male human who is rather pragmatic about life in general, much like I am.  They both love Cookie and I quite a bit and do everything they can to keep us entertained and healthy. The male seems to be more self-sufficient and we tend to leave him alone unless we need something.  The female…well…she gets lost easily and so Cookie and I take turns watching her.  As I am the senior hound in the house, Cookie tends to work longer shifts than I do.

Like I said, it was a normal Saturday morning.  Our human did her morning inspection of us, checking our legs for any cuts, bumps, and that they matched each other.  She is very obsessive about everything about us.  Our coat, our eyes, our feet, our teeth.   Everything looked good.  She went upstairs to go to work and I went back to my bed for a nap.

Around noon, I woke up in pain and had a hot lump on my right front leg.  It bothered me enough that I went to fetch my humans to see what was wrong with my leg.  They were both in the office and they noticed the lump quickly.  It was small, about the size of nickel stuck to my leg, but it hurt.   Both were worried about how hot it was and that it wasn’t there this morning.  No one said anything but I could tell they were extremely worried.  They gave me half a pill of something and the swelling went down.  I was able to use my paw again and I forgot about it till we headed to the vet today.

Cookie needed a checkup after her dental and I needed my monthly chiropractic adjustment so we headed to the vet this morning.  Dr. Crosby took one look at my bump and sent me off for xrays.   When Dr. Huff came back to the room instead, my human got even more worried.   It looked like cancer.  I have a stress fracture in my radius and a tumor in the same spot.  They can’t tell which came first.  Twenty-five percent bone loss too.   Dr. Huff says we’ve caught it early.  He wants a second opinion but he suggested we amputate and do chemo.   My human stayed strong in the office but as soon as we got home, she broke down in tears and cried.   I ran upstairs to hug her and that made her cry even more.  Apparently I’m not allowed to use the stairs anymore either.